May 2007 Archives

This is a sweet little video showing you all what you missed at the HauntCON 2007 Hearse Rally. I enjoy the spooky mustang in the middle of the video for no reason. LOL. Some really cool paint jobs featured as well. What's your favorite?

"Zibahkhana"(Hell's Ground), a Pakistani zombie flick said to have been shot in less than a month on a single high-def cam probably won't be coming soon to a Theater near you but looks quite cool. The plot, not that one needs much of one in a zombie flick, involves a gang of teenagers en route to a rock concert. Their path to the show is blocked by a protest against polluted drinking water. The teens detour around the protesters on an old country road, and end up in the hands of hungry, undead psychopaths who munch on them with great delight. Sounds good to us. Anyone seen this and want to comment?

JOSHUA is the tale of Brad (Sam Rockwell) and Abby (Vera Farmiga) Cairn, perfect Manhattan parents in a perfect Manhattan apartment whose perfect life begins to crack after the birth of their second child Lily. Shortly after Lily arrives home, a dark side of prodigy son Joshua slowly begins to reveal itself. The film is coming out July 6th and is directed by George Ratliff. Check out the trailer below on this creepy little horror movie.

Looks like our friends in Germany know how to Haunt as well. Check out this lady's Haunted Balcony she sets up every year in Germany for the month of Ocotber. Enjoy the all german introduction below...but the footage is worth it.......

- iamlegend

:: Editors Note: This is part of an ongoing series of Interview we do every Friday with someone changing the face of the Horror/Halloween Industry. This week we interview Shannon Lark of the Chainsaw Mafia. Talk about your horror performance art ::

What is the Chainsaw Mafia?
The Chainsaw Mafia is my horror production company which specializes in horror film and splatter theater. TCM is also a networking board online designed to help independent horror filmmakers get support for their productions. It’s kind of like a craigslist for the low budget filmmaker.

TCM’s motto is “Bring Your Daughter to the Slaughter,” which indicates the need and request for more women in the horror genre.

Who are the Living Dead Girlz?
The Living Dead Girlz is a zombie dance troupe based in San Francisco. The Director, Amber Steele, is the choreographing genius behind all of our moves. We always tell a new story with our shows, and specialize in non commercial jazz, sock hop, cha cha, chair dancing, tango/waltz, and a little bit of burlesque (although we are not a burlesque dance troupe).
We also eat brains, disembowel, and rip hearts out of people. We spray about 5 gallons of blood at our “wet” shows but can adapt out shows to venues that need to stay dryer.

There are seven of us total, although 4-5 of us travel to perform for away shows.

What is the show about?
The storylines always change with every new show we do. We just performed a new show where we attack a threesome of pretentious Goths at a party. We chair danced to Nelly Furtado. The very first show we did, called “Meet the Living Dead Girlz,” takes place in a morgue. The Doctor injects herself and is reanimated. She injects all of us and we come back to dance to the Pussycat Dolls and NIN. In this show we have our individual personas. Ghetto-Fab Zombie, Swat Team Zombie, Voodoo Zombie, etc. etc.

We try to mix it up and not have shows that have similar choreography, costumes, or storylines. It takes about 2 months to create 1 show, and the piece is about 10 minutes long.

Who usually hires you to perform?
Oh boy! Clubs, wrestling events, b-day parties, Film Festivals, and other horror-esque events. We just signed up with the Bay Area Derby Girls and have even gotten requests to perform at weddings!

Fangoria has hired us for a slew of their conventions as well.

What's the worst show you ever performed?
For me personally, it had to of been Fangoria’s Weekend of Horrors in San Jose. I was coming down with something and felt like I couldn’t keep up with the moves or was about to fall over. It was pretty awesome!

What's the best?
A show we did recently at the DNA Lounge in SF. That’s really our home venue, and we had so many supporters. Even though I did hurt my back from playing too rough in the blood, it was so so so much fun!!!

As you explored all of the things that HAuNTcon 2007 had to offer you may have noticed the constant presence of many different people wearing purple volunteer stiff t-shirts. I was one of these stiffs and it was a very unique experience. Most of the volunteers were comprised of members of the Motor City Haunt Club and with the leadership of Karen Murphy we began brainstorming and working on the convention many months in advance.

My main function for the convention was to write many of the press releases for the event. They may not have made it into print exactly as written but it was still a lot of fun to see my work posted on hauntcon.com along with being inside of the HAuNTcon program and on the signage for the Chef Gore R D competition (which Leonard Pickel was kind enough to let me have as a souvenir). You may have also encountered me as the zombie who checked you into the Costume Ball.

Others in the group worked tirelessly to make sure that you had an amazing time by answering your questions, bringing you the many t-shirts and other fun stuff that was tossed out during the Costume Ball, sponsoring the Chef Gore R D competition, being your bus captain on the haunt tours, etc.

Working behind the scenes made me appreciate the convention on a different level – it is amazing the sheer magnitude of what it takes to put on an event of this size. Leonard and Jeanne Pickel (along with Leonard’s parents) go through a huge undertaking each and every year. The event may not be perfect but the (very small) crew at hand works around the clock for five days straight.

I had an opportunity to have many discussions with Leonard and Jeanne and they were very gracious and open to answering my questions. The other rewarding thing about working behind the scenes is that I was introduced to many influential people that I may never have met otherwise. I am in the process of putting together plans for my own haunt so this level of networking was more than worth the time and effort that I put into the convention.

Putting personal time into the event for months before it began made the convention itself that much more real and personal for me and I also enjoyed helping to showcase and hype Metro Detroit’s haunts to attendees from around the world. I encourage those in the haunt industry to participate if HAuNTcon comes into your home town area – you’ll work hard and come out of the week very exhausted but in hindsight the connections you make will be more than worth it!

-zorak163

This I am excited about. I really enjoyed the first in the series which was called Night Watch. Those Russians are making some great films. Featuring the cinematic vision of cutting-edge Director/Writer Timur Bekmambetov, DAY WATCH (DNEVNOI DOZOR) is the next installment in the best-selling sci-fi novels of Sergei Lukyanenko.

When the previous installment, NIGHT WATCH (NOCHNOI DOZOR), was released in its native Russia in July 2004, it became an instant smash hit breaking all film gross records in post-Soviet history. A dazzling mix of state-of-the-art visual effects, amazing action sequences, and nail-biting horror set in contemporary Moscow, DAY WATCH revolves around the conflict and balance maintained between the forces of light and darkness -- the result of a medieval truce between the opposing sides. Check the trailer below.

This week the dudes over at Horror Junk are interviewing actor Zach Ward about what it takes to be an indie Horror Actor in today's Hollywood. He talks about Tv vs Film and how much actors make per episode. Check it out.

get to see the first five minutes of a crappy one for free. That's right kids you know I am a Hostel basher but this does look like a cool deal. The first five minutes of Eli Roth’s Hostel crappy sequel will be playing on every print of BUG, which debuts in theaters on May 25th. BUG does look pretty sweet. But Hostel II....really? Gore plus naked chick plus Gore does not equal a good horror movie. In fact check out the comments on the MySpace page about this trailer. I think the fans are finally waking up. I do hope he puts out Thanksgiving though....

Hostel II
HOSTEL 2 - IN THEATRES JUNE 8th

Thanksgiving
Thanksgiving trailer (Explicit) - Eli Roth

:: Editor's Note: This part of a weekly series where we interview people that are changing the face of Horror/Haunted Houses. This week we talk to Javier Rivera who wrote and shot the Haunted Attraction Documentary "The Scare". If you haven't seen the trailer yet go check it out here. It looks amazing and provides a real sneak peek behind the curtain of Haunted Attractions ::.

Why/how did you first become interested in Horror?
Oddly enough I became interested in horror because of comedy. I grew up in Wisconsin watching Son of Svengoolie, a TV show based out of Chicago. It’s basically a guy in costume presenting horror movies. He’s still a hero of mine and I’m fortunate enough to have an autographed rubber chicken.

What previous jobs have you had?
My first job in this profession was as an editor for Owen May of Metro Video Services in Milwaukee, WI. It was a great match because he taught me a lot of the old school equipment and I taught him the new. I’m happy to say we still keep in touch.

How long have you been a filmmaker?
I produced my first piece my junior year in high school (around 1992). If that counts then I suppose I’ve been a filmmaker for almost 15 years. Personally, I only count 10 years because I began to write, edit and direct films in college. I graduated from Columbia College in Chicago where students start making films within their first semester. It was a great place to grow as a filmmaker.

How did you get your start?
There are two versions of this story. The first is that I’ve always liked to write and create “movies” with my toys. I didn’t play with my G.I. Joe’s following the cartoon’s storylines. I made up my own – sometimes bringing different toys into the mix. My favorite was He-Man versus Duke Hauser.

The second version of how I got started was when I was in my second year at UW-Parkside; I met a guy at my job and he told me about Columbia College. Until then, I was an English major with no idea of my future. He opened my eyes to the possibility of having a career as a filmmaker. I transferred to Columbia the following year.

What’s your film about?

The Scare is a documentary that follows The Mansion of Terror cast and crew through their third haunt season. It explores the reasons for their success as one of Austin’s best haunted houses.

What inspired you to create this film?
Originally, it started because I didn’t want to act for the 2006 season. I had acted the year before around the time I first moved to Austin. It was a great experience but I’m not an actor. I told the owner that I’d be happy to volunteer again but more in the audio/visual aspect. We came up with the idea to film behind-the-scenes during the season. That grew into wanting to discover their success. And although I went into it with the mind-set of documenting their business plan, I got so much more. It’s not about money – it’s about family.

Hmmmm this might actual be a good vampire movie. If only for the good actors that are going to be in it. Including Lucy Liu and the guy from "The Shield". RISE: Blood Hunter from Ghost House Pictures, stars Lucy Liu and Michael Chiklis. It is a supernatural thriller in which reporter Sadie Blake (Liu) wakes up in a morgue to discover she is no longer among the living. She vows revenge against the cult responsible for putting her there and hunts them down one by one. Chiklis plays 'Rawlins,' a haunted police detective whose daughter is killed by the same cult and seeks answers for her gruesome death. Hits the streets June 1st. Check out the trailer here and let us know what you think by leaving us some comments.

When was the last time you had a really good scare — for fun, I mean? Admit it. You love to be chased around by freshly unearthed ghouls and sundry creatures of the night, don't you? And you're willing to pay good money to see your friends frightened out of your wits, right? Horror is such a communal thing after all — best shared by friends and lovers.

Haunted House attractions put you in the middle of a horror movie — willingly, of course. And while some Haunted Houses are scarier than others, or more ghoulish than others, or more jaw-dropping—oops, just wet my pants—horrifying than others, one name stands out as the most elaborate, most engaging Haunted House ever done: Britannia Manor.

And it didn't cost a dime to get in! Not one cent. The purveyors of Haunted House attractions, STB Productions, recorded for posterity the goings-on at Britannia Manor during one Halloween. Their DVD, The World's Most Famous Haunted House: A Tribute to Britannia Manor, contains a short but highly informative interview with Richard Garriott, mastermind behind Britania Manor, a photo gallery of assorted medieval items of violent intent lying around his home, and extensive archive footage that includes actors and make-up artists preparing for a typical night's events of thrills and chills.

Rounding out the DVD is an actual, you-are-there, experience as you follow a party of lost souls making their way through the various creepy tableaux of Britannia Manor, and provides lots of logistical information for the students and designers of Haunted House attractions.

If you haven't seen the Banner Ads we have been running here then take a note. The Haunted Report is one of the official sponsors of the Viscera Film Festival. It's run by Shannon Lark and recently she took a moment to tell us what it is all about.

What is the Viscera Film Festival?
It's a rather exclusive Festival wherein only women may work on the films submitted. This means every role, from acting to directing to editing, on and off camera.

Why a women's only horror festival?
The purpose of the Festival is to raise the low ratio of women to men in the horror genre, in all aspects of production. In doing so, Viscera is attempting to assist in raising the female to male ratio in the film industry in general, creating an equal atmosphere.

Where is it held and how many contestants/entries do you have?
This is an online fest and has just been launched, so entries are just beginning to be produced.

After a 23 hour drive from Austin to Detroit, we made it to HauntCon. Actors, managers, and myself headed up in two vehicles to attend the Hauntcon seminars and get some props for this year. We took a pickup truck specifcally so we could buy stuff at the show and haul it back.

We had a great time at Hauntcon! I keep saying to myself that it's good to take a long road trip every couple of years. Then again, now that I'm back in Austin, I'm saying I don't ever want to take another road trip. The trip was fine, but driving more than 46 hours over 5 days sucks. I'm really glad Hauntcon 2008 is in Houston.

For the seminars, honestly, I was dissappointed. I went to Hauntcon two years ago in Dallas and it seemed like there was much better material for pro haunters. It could be that we are maturing as a professional haunted house in our 4th year so we already do or know most of what's taught. I'm not sure what the answer is there. Don't shoot me..... it's just a critique.

My crew opted out of the costume ball. We were just too worn out from the drive and the daily events. I think we really missed out because it looked like a lot of fun. We are definitely going to go to the costume ball in Houston.

The HauntCON 2007 show floor was great! We spent around $4,000 on new props while there. We pretty much knew what we wanted to pick up at the show and what we already ordered before going to the show. We picked up set dressing items like rot cloth from Oak Island Productions, an SPFX mask, some lighting effects, cases of anatomical bones, some great ABS plastic crypt and cathedral facade pieces. My favorite company from the show was definitely Grave Robber Studios. They have some spectacular full size zombies and busts. The attention to detail and paint jobs on these things was just amazing. We spent quite a bit at their booth. Some we took home with us and some they're shipping our way. We also picked up some new scares that I'm going to keep to myself that are really going to enhance our haunt. There's some great new stuff out there.

Now I'm definitely fired up for the season to get up to full speed and underway.

Norm

Just letting you know this week is going to be Film week at The Haunted Report. We are going to cover a whole bunch of new horror films coming out, tell you about some cool film festivals as well as post reviews of 28 weeks later and more....oh and don't forget our very own Norm Glenn's review of HauntCON 2007.

Thanks!
iamlegend and crew

:: Editors Note: This is part of a continuing series of article we do each week with people changing the face of the Horror/Haunted Attraction Industry. This week we interview the co-founder of DAFE. DAFE is the Darkride and Funhouse Enthusiasts organization. One of my fondest memories growing up was visiting the State Fair of Texas and riding the little Dark Ride they had their. Even back then I enjoyed being scared! So read on to find out more about this orginization and how they help restore these classic Theme park rides.::

What is your position with the Darkride and Funhouse Enthusiasts (DAFE)?
I am one of the three founders (the other two are my wife Sue and my friend Joel Styer), I am DAFE’s Director, and I am the editor for Barrel O’ Fun.

Is DAFE your full time gig?
No, although it SEEMS that all my time is spent working for DAFE, my “real” job is with the Federal Aviation Administration as an “Airway Transportations System Specialist”, that is an electronics technician maintaining communications, data, RADAR, and other systems.

How did you first become interested in the darkrides and funhouses?
I think there are three answers to this question, all of which brought me to where I am today. The first was my all time favorite amusement park attraction- the Funhouse at Idora Park (long defunct) in Youngstown, Ohio. I was a young child but I remember it well. I loved the funhouse with its slides, revolving barrel, moving walkways, and Magic Carpet ride. I could have stayed in there all day! I could have lived in there! That love was shorted lived as it was replaced by a psychedelic walkthrough attraction in the mid-sixties.

I then rediscovered amusement parks after I left the Air Force. At the time I became interested in building models of amusement rides. That led to visiting parks to photograph rides and of course rekindled an interest in the parks themselves.

The final piece of the puzzle was meeting Joel Styer online shortly after I got a computer and discovering the internet. At that time Joel had a web site devoted to Pennsylvania amusement parks. That soon became two web sites, Defunct Parks, and Ridezone. Joel and I began swapping notes on rides and soon became good friends.

How did the Darkride and Funhouse Enthusiast (DAFE) get its start?
At some point Joel learned that I had some interior photos of a darkride and he wanted to post them on his web site. That posting generated some interest and soon there was a darkride subsection to that web site.

That eventually was spun off to a separate web site of its own with Joel, me, and two others as its founders. Joel and I decided that we should create an active group and we parted company with the other two people. The idea for DAFE started coming together in the summer of 2000. We started promoting it at the Phoenix Phall Phunfest at Knoebel’s Amusement Park in October and “officially” founded the non-profit group on October 31st, 2000. By the end of 2000 we had an even 100 members.

Lionsgate is the king of horror lately aren't they.....well except for Hostel. Bug is about a lonely waitress with a tragic past, Agnes rooms in a run-down motel, living in fear of her abusive, recently paroled ex-husband. But when Agnes begins a tentative romance with Peter, an eccentric, nervous drifter, she starts to feel hopeful again - until the first bugs arrive...Directed by Academy Award winner William Friedkin (THE FRENCH CONNECTION, THE EXORCIST) and adapted by Tracy Letts from his hit off-Broadway play, BUG stars Golden Globe nominee Ashley Judd and Harry Connick, Jr. It starts on May 25th. Check out the trailer here.

- iamlegend

So are you bummed you couldn't make HauntCON this year? Well at least you can torture yourself by looking at all the cool stuff you missed right? Hey it's Wed you think I am going to be friendly on hump day? Check out our small collection of photos (take by our own Norm Glenn) here on Flickr.

You can check out other photos from Chad Savage and our friends at Rotting Flesh Radio

What? You went to HauntCON? Then please join our photo pool and share your photos. Flickr is a great free photo hosting place. You can join our photo pool here.

- iamlegend

I don't know what to say.....is this fake or real? Leave us your comments.

- iamlegend

Well this is new. Looks like we have a new semi-competitor to HauntedHouse.com on the market. If you haven't seen it yet go check out America's Best Haunts. Not much there right now, but according to what we hear, a board of directors consisting of members with over 100 years of haunting experience will invite only attractions that meet a strict criterion.

If they want to be listed attractions will be judged on safety, special effects, marketing, fear factor, consumer appeal, detail and longevity. The few selected will be awarded a place on the web site along with the permission to use the official seal signifying them as one of "America's Best Haunts".

Steve Kopelman, founding member, states, "I am quite pleased that there will now be a site that can direct consumers and businesses alike to the top haunted attractions. This will also help the whole industry by giving the media access to the best haunted house story lines. Overall, I cannot think of a better venue to represent the haunted attraction industry."

If you want to have your Haunted Attraction apply please visit their Web site.

- iamlegend

::Editor's Note: This is part of an ongoing series where we interview the people behind the Horror/Haunted Attraction business. This week we speak with David Norton, who is the #1 auctioneer for Theme Parks/Haunted Attractions in the US. Who knew?...In other words his full time job is to go around and liquidate these attractions when they have to be sold. Talk about a niche job! ::

Explain to our readers what you do for a living?
We sell all types of tourist attractions (amusement parks, carnivals, antique carousels, museums, FECs, haunts, unusual collections) at auction. We perform the auctions on-site. We also do many appraisals of the amusement industry.

Is this your full time job?
Yes – 110%

How did you get into auctioning off Theme Park rides?
I sold a small park in the early 1970's in northern Indiana – Buck Lake Ranch – and the specialty took off from there.

What is the strangest thing you ever auctioned off?
We sold the World's largest privately owned zoo, including a trained elephant act and the oldest Lowland Gorilla. One of our best auctions was the Rocky Point Haunted House. A small four room haunted mansion scene sold for $44,000, 8 framed marquis at $6,300, coffins from $400-1,500, 4 foam gravestones $1,100, pneumatic headless zombie $2,000, pneumatic leaper $1,650, faux mausoleums from $3,000-5000 each and a mirror maze was gone at $19,800. Other prices realized included a WWII searchlight at $18,750, forest maze $4,400, various pneumatic tricks from $500-4,000, Frankenstein table at $7,150, rocking boat captain’s room for $7,150, scary carousel at $11,000, asylum facade $4,125, groups of costumes totaled over $10,000 and fog machines averaged $550 each.

Throughout the 1990s, a serial killer terrorized upstate New York. After a decade-long crime spree conducted largely under the radar of law enforcement, the killer left behind the most disturbing collection of evidence homicide detectives had ever seen hundreds of homemade videotapes that chronicle the stalking, abduction, murder, and disposal of his victims.

The Poughkeepsie Tapes examines these horrific tapes at length: what they reveal about the killer, why they were made, and how FBI profilers have used them to better understand violent, psychopathic behavior. The Poughkeepsie Tapes combines interviews surrounding the devastating impact of the Water Street Butcher with shocking footage from the tapes themselves.

The Poughkeepsie Tapes documents the actual experience of encountering a deranged serial killer. Never before has an audience been exposed so directly to terror so real. For the first time, the public will see the horrifying images that FBI profilers have studied for years. Sounds cool to us and the trailer is pretty killer. If your in NY go check it out....

2007 Tribeca Film Festival Screenings:
Fri, May 4, 11:30pm @ AMC Village VII Theater 3
Sat, May 5, Midnight @ AMC Village VII Theater 1

The Poughkeepsie Tapes Trailer

If your into Haunted Houses then you have heard of HauntCon. Halloween comes early to Dearborn Michigan, when the Haunted Attraction National Tradeshow and Convention (or HAuNTcon for short) comes to the Hyatt Regency Hotel May 3-6, 2007.

Sponsored by Northwest Airlines , Freek Energy Drink , Wristband Resource and ScreamPass online ticket service, HAuNTcon offers a huge tradeshow floor, tours of local Haunted Attractions, Haunted Education and How-to Workshops, and networking opportunities like the incredible Costume Ball hosted by Haunted Attraction Magazine.

The Tradeshow opens with a pre show Haunted Road Trip May 2-3 that includes a trip out to tour the Niles Haunted House and scream Park in Niles MI and several other Haunted Attractions along the way. The Thursday Night Haunt tour (May 3) is of Terrorfied Forest and Terrorfied Mansion in Pinckney, and the Friday Night Tours are of both the Realm of Darkness and Erebus .

Over 90 booths fill the Tradeshow floor, May 4-6, with exhibitors selling the latest in fright services and equipment for the professional Haunted House owner and the Halloween enthusiast alike.

A new short documentary has been released that chronicles the hard work that goes into building and running a "Haunted Attraction". It's called "The Scare" and I posted the trailer below. I have gotten an advanced copy and trust me it's very well done. If you live in Texas there is going to be a sneak peek screening for THE SCARE scheduled for Friday, May 4 at 8:30PM during the first Wolfpack Film Screenings at The Oaks. It will be one of the films screened. Other films include a possible screening of a horror as well as many of the competing Grindhouse trailers. The film will also be featured at HauntCON this weekend.

DVD's of THE SCARE will be available for purchase at the screening. A short quiz game will be held to win one of five limited edition posters. Director Javier C. Rivera will be in attendance and will be available for Q and A. For more information, visit: www.TheScareDoc.com

www.TheScareDoc.com

- iamlegend

How does one describe a movie that's bland? And believe me, I'm fighting the temptation to go off on a tangent with sentences with the word 'crock' in them. While that might help spice the review, it's an obvious but cheap shot. Oh, hell...

This movie is a crock. What makes it a crock is its bland by the numbers characters and action, superficial dialog that's by the letters, and less than stellar computer graphics work that reminds you how bland everything else is. It also has that annoying kid from Lizzie McGuire, Jake Thomas.

Thomas actually does as good a job as any of the other actors, but he's not given much to do. At least they didn't spike his hair. But now that you've got me started, what about his dog, Lucky? Yes, that dog, the one with three legs called Lucky. Will someone yell at the scriptwriter for me please? Thomas spends the movie--mostly riding around on his bike--looking for Lucky, the three-legged, run-away dog.

If that weren't bad enough, there's the evil corporation, Gereco--stop me if you've heard this one--conducting secret genetic experiments on man-eating monsters. What, rabbits too hard for them? So these experiments blend the genes, by accident of course (wink, wink), of a Sarcosuchus (don't even go there) and a dinosaur. It promptly escapes its holding pen because an idiot scientist walks right in--as it's killing everything else in the pen--leaves the door wide open, and gets her throat ripped out as she tries zapping it with a pocket-sized stun gun.

Hey, you, stop that groaning, I'm not done yet: there's more.

Joanna Pacula plays the usual 'evil mouthpiece' for Gereco who denies everything while they send their top man-eating monster hunter to recapture it. Using Lucky, the three-legged dog for bait--oh, so that's what happened to Lucky--Lucky really is lucky, and high-tails it just as the hunter gets eaten, leaving only his legs behind. The CGI blur happens so fast, I can see why they spend more time just doting on those legs.

Anyway, one of the highlights in this film, and that's stretching it a mile, is what unexpectedly happens to Thomas as he goes searching for Lucky late at night in Gereco's wildlife preserve.

They spent a little more time on the CGI with that one, but it ends pretty abruptly. What really should have ended abruptly were the dialog exchanges between the crocodile hunter they bring in (Costos Mandylor), the Grant's Lake Animal Shelter control officer (Jane Longenecker), and Thomas' brother (Matt Borlenghi). The action, what little there is of it, bogs down when an old romance--queue the piano tinkling--is rekindled, and the croc hunter tries some really bad pick-up lines.

A predictable, insert scene here, time-killer has two drunk hunters poaching on the Gereco wildlife preserve; scratch two poachers. To speed things up, the Gereco scientist hunting the monster spills the beans about the whole mess to Longenecker and Borlenghi, and they quickly volunteer to help him. As they search in the preserve, they come across a pile of man-eating monster doo-doo and the scientist quips "Holy sh*t." I swear I'm not making this up. If I were making this up it would be a hell of a lot better, I can tell you that.